Fine Dining

There are certain things that have been debated since the beginning of time. Which fast food joint has the best dollar burger is not one of those things. But, it is something that my roommates and I have been debating about for months, if not years. Burger King? Wendy's? McDonald's? Lately, the conversation has boiled over into full-on arguments with accusations and yelling abound.

We decided to put the issue to rest once and for all, knowing full well that you can never "once and for all" something like this. Nonetheless, on Wednesday night we found ourselves sitting around the kitchen table with 30 patties of processed beef.

The general consensus was that this would be a two horse race between McDonald's and Burger King. Wendy's was included simply because they have a dollar menu. To be more accurate, Wendy's has a 99 cent menu.

So which of the Big Three was on its way to fast food glory? I decided to keep a running diary of the evening.

7:27pm - We just returned from "Fast Food Row" on Main St. There are a Burger King, a McDonald's, and a Wendy's literally within a quarter mile of one another, all on the same street. It's pretty amazing, really.

To expedite the process, Matt dropped each us off at a different location and then came back to pick us up. That way we could ensure that the burgers were equally fresh (when I say "fresh", I mean "comparably warm"). I went to McDonald's, Scott to BK, and Adam and Matt to Wendy's.

(Side Note -- A quick run-down of the clientele at each establishment: McDonald's - Mostly hipsters. One of them had saran wrap creeping up out of his v-neck t-shirt to protect a new tattoo covering his chest. BK - A large population of homeless folks. According to Scott, "if you've only got a dollar to spend, you're going to want to stretch it". More on that later. Wendy's - empty.)

7:31pm - There are 15 cheeseburgers on the kitchen table. Scott and Matt are determining the order of consumption by drawing squares of paper out of a bag. Here's the order - Wendy's, BK, Mickey D's. The atmosphere is electric. Seriously.

7:32pm - First up: The Wendy's Doublestack. Matt H. can't contain his excitement anymore and blurts out: "We're really doing this!" Yeah. We are.

One of the unique things about the Doublestack is that it has round onions. Wendy's almost convinced us that because the onions are sliced into rings as opposed to chopped (a la McDonald's), they are fresh. Almost.

Scott: "I would never complain about having to eat that. It's the best burger I've eaten so far."

7:34pm - Matt F. informs us that we just ate the healthiest burger on the menu. Its all down hill from here. Or up hill, depending on how you look at it.

7:35pm - On to the Burger King Double Cheeseburger: Remember Scott's theory of why there were so many homeless people inside the BK? This is by far the thickest burger. Big, thick patties and two slices of cheese. It dwarfs the others.

Adam: "Totally, totally different taste."

The BK Double is grilled, so it's not quite as greasy. It's a little slim on the condiments, and tastes a little bit dry. Much, much more meat, though. And two slices of cheese.

Matt F. throws in another nutrition stat: "We're gonna have about 60-70 grams of protein tonight."

7:38pm - I'm wondering if McDonald's slot as the final pick is going to hurt it in the long run. We're all pretty full. This isn't college anymore.

7:40pm - We all agree that Burger King's dollar burger is better than Wendy's's (can I do that? a double apostrophe "s"?).

7:41pm - Conflict! Matt H. objects to Scott "bringing in outside details" when Scott touts Burger King's dollar menu because it features onion rings. Apparently, Matt thinks this detail could sway some voters.

7:42pm - Wow. The McDonald's McDouble. It truly melts in your mouth.

7:43pm - We begin discussion by comparing the chopped onions of McD's and the sliced onions of Wendy's. McDonald's provides consistency. You don't have to worry about whether or not you're getting the same amount with each sandwich. They are EXACTLY the same. Matt H. observes: "Every bite tastes the same, from here to China".

7:45pm - It is finished. "I feel sick". "Yeah, me too." "All the fat we need for the rest of the week".

7:46 - Sitting. Digesting. Feeling disgusting.

7:46 - McDonald's pepper-seasoned-patty flavor is still lingering in my mouth. Amazing.

7:47 - We discuss how to better hold the competition next time. One bite from each? I think we all secretly hope that there won't be a "next time".

7:47 - Final thoughts. Matt F. - Over-all: Burger King. Taste alone: Wendy's, McD's, BK.

- (Gasps!) Wendy's?! Shocking. Absolutely shocking.

7:48 - Discussion on how all three tasted completely different. All good, but totally different products.

7:49 - Adam's turn to weigh in: Taste, Mickey D's. Value, BK. On Wendy's: "I was surprised how good it was, but i would choose it zero of the time.

7:50 - Dave: "I definitely had a bias towards McDonald's going into this competition, but I still think it's the best. It was just that good. BK definitely has the size factor, but the McDonald's flavor is just overwhelming."

7:52 - Scott: "We talked last night about how 'would you go to Burger King and order two burgers, given that they're so big?'. The answer is 'no'. I wouldn't. I couldn't! BK, and then whatever I'm in the mood for."

7:54 - Matt H.: "Burger King is my favorite burger. It tastes like you could have grilled it in your backyard. Wendy's is interchangeable with a lot of other places. McDonald's is just so good, though. It reminds me of being a kid. Over all: BK. But when I want childhood, I'm going to McDonald's."

7:55 - What?

7:56 - Completely satisfied (and stuffed to the gills) we decide that we're the real winners here. Three excellent burgers from three excellent dining establishments. Thank you, fast food.