A lethal dose

Cancer is a scary thing. I was talking to a friend today about the cruelty of this offender, with it's blind eye seemingly turned toward whomever and whatever it chooses to destroy.

I've wrote about my mom before. She just left the hospital. Ten days early. She's still fighting, but it looks like the future (whatever that time period may be) is bright.

I don't know how many of you have dealt with cancer, or know how we fight it, but here is the run down.

My mom just had a stem cell transplant.

1. Take stem cells out of body.

2. Kill everything in your body, also known as "A lethal dose of chemotherapy" as the doctor described it.

Everything. You kill the good with the bad, all of it. She will be lining up with the 3 and 4 year olds to get vaccinations all over again, because her immune system just pressed reset.

3. After everything is dead, they put the stem cells back into your body. If they do what they are supposed to they will help red and white blood cells regenerate and begin the process of making her body new.

That's a powerful image to me. Reset. What if I could press reset? Would I?

Would I go back and take back those words?

Would I have taken that road?

Would I have said hi to her?

Would I have hidden the secrets from my parents?

Here is the interesting thing. For my mom, and maybe for all of us, when she pressed reset, there was a new life being created in her. And I think we all experience this.

My reset was not in going back and righting my wrongs. It was being released from those actions. Those emotions. That Pain.

It was a release from shame. A release from carrying the burden alone.

My reset was pressed. And now life moves. And it's bright.

benjamin