Halfway There

"For his dream of the future was real and never to be destroyed, and he had said, 'I will go,' and that made a real thing too. To determine to go and to say it was to be halfway there."

John Steinbeck - The Pearl

I recently made a big decision. It was one of those decisions on either side of which you define your life as "pre-" and "post-". And it was a long process -- an eight-months-long process, and probably longer if you think about everything that led me to this point.

An interesting thing happened about a week or two before I "sealed the deal". I started having these conversations with friends and acquaintances that went something like this: "Hey, have you made a decision yet?" "As soon as I can admit to myself that this is what I want, I'll make the decision." My mind was made up, but I was afraid to speak it.

I think that's how most of my decisions go. I know what I want long before I say it or commit to it. Because saying it gives it life. Once something is spoken, it is alive. It is real, and it has life. And you can't control it anymore. You can only respond to it.

Like Steinbeck says, our thoughts and dreams are real. But speaking them into the world is the hard part.

Because now I'm halfway there.